So You Wanna Get An IUD!

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image description: this is a comic drawn in black and white with some gray tones. Narrator has long black hair with short bangs, wearing a striped shirt and jeans. Panel 1 shows the title with the narrator leaning into the side, holding a fistful of I. U. Ds and smiling. Title: Do you want to get an I. U. D? Dialogue: if so, great! Let’s talk about it. Panel 2 shows the narrator smiling and speaking. Dialogue: I. U. Ds are safe and extremely effective. I have a copper (Paragard) I. U. D, and I will talk about it to anyone ever. Caption, in medallions: Not a doctor. Just has a ‘T’ in her twat. Panel 3 shows shows the narrator, with short hair and glasses, cowering in shame in front of a large intimidating doctor. Arrow points to narrator saying “me at 24.” Caption: When I got my first, a doctor tried to tell me I couldn’t get one because I wasn’t married and had never been pregnant. BULLSHIT! Panel 4: narrator speaking, smiling wryly, holding up an I. U. D. Dialogue: You have to be careful about avoiding STIs, which hopefully you do anyway as part of self-care. (But no judgement.) I. U. D strings can provide a way to enter the uterus, which can be dangerous. (And being married isn’t S. T. I protection, right, medical community? You know this?) Panel 5: an angry uterus floats in this panel; the ovaries are eyes with angry eyebrows. The uterus is shouting. Dialogue: Oh HELL no!! Caption: Every body is different, and some bodies may have a hard time getting used to an I. U. D. Your uterus is a strong muscle, and may hate having a foreign body inside. Panel 6: narrator, smiling and talking. Dialogue: But for plenty of people, it’s no big deal. I’m on my second Paragard and have had a very good twelve years with ’em. Let me tell you about my own experience. Y. M. M. V, of course. Panel 7: Narrator is smiling and waving in a gynecologist’s office, in front of an exam table with stirrups. She is wearing a dotted hospital robe and socks. Dialogue: We start in the O. B. G. Y. N’s office in these lovely paper robes. I like to leave my socks on. Panel 8: Narrator is lying on the exam table, smiling and speaking, fully covered by the robe. A doctor smiles in front of her in a friendly way, holding up two gloved fingers. Dialogue: Your doctor will give you what feels like a routine pelvic exam to make sure your uterus can hold an I. U. D. Panel 9: same setting. Narrator is smiling and talking, with a sassy wink. Doctor is handing her a card. Dialogue: You’ll probably have to make another appointment for insertion. When I got my first (2003 in Illinois), I had to go pick it up at the pharmacy and bring it in with me! I took it out to the bar the night before! Panel 10: Narrator stands talking and holding a pill bottle. A person with a beard stands behind her, holding a bottle of water, placing the other hand on the narrator’s back; behind that person is another with short hair, waving. Dialogue: On insertion day, I found it helpful to have someone there to hold my hand. Second time, my boyfriend came; first, my B. F. F. Panel 11: Narrator smiling and talking, holding up an ipad and a hot water bottle. Hearts float around the hot water bottle, along with the words “old school hot water bottle.” Dialogue: If it’s an option for you, plan to rest with a heating pad / hot water bottle for the rest of the day. I didn’t go back to work that day. Netflix F. T. W. Panel 12: Narrator is smiling and looking proud. Dialogue: INSERTION TIME! So, I’m not going to draw my lady bits. I’m sure it would be useful, but no. Instead, follow my facial expressions for an idea of the pain at each step. Starburst caption: FUN! Panel 13 Narrator is posing seductively in a paper hospital gown. Words beside her say “PAPER GOWN.” Dialogue: You vixen you. Panel 14: Close up on narrator from the waist up, lying on the exam table. She is speaking with a slightly worried look, but smiling. Boyfriend sits beside her, smiling and holding her hand. Dialogue: When you’re ready, the doctor will put a clamp on your cervix. It’s uncomfortable, but not awful. Like deep pressure on your cervix, which is sensitive. Panel 15: Same view, but now narrator’s eyes are wide open and crooked and her mouth is pursed. Boyfriend looks worried. Dialogue: The doctor will then “sound” your uterus, which means inserting an instrument to check how your I. U. D should be placed. For me, this was the most painful part. It feels kind of sharp and strong-cramp-y, But it only lasts a few seconds… deep slow breaths! Panel 16: Same view; narrator’s face is scrunched up and she is frowning, boyfriend still looks worried. Dialogue: The doctor will then insert your I. U. D. This, too, is just a couple seconds, and feels crampy. Keep breathing… Panel 17: Same view, but narrator’s face is relaxed and has a huge smile. Boyfriend is smiling too. Dialogue: And the next thing you know, the doctor unclamps your cerv, and you’re done! AAAH! Panel 18: Narrator getting up from the exam table, speaking with a wobbly smile. Dialogue: The cramps may be very intense for the rest of the day. They feel like period cramps, but REALLY strong ones. Panel 19: Narrator lying on a couch covered with a blanket. Dialogue: I had the strongest pain the day after insertion. Your uterus is basically saying W. T. F! Keep taking O. T. C. pain reliever and heating as you’re able. Panel 20: Big black letters surrounded by I. U. Ds. Caption: THAT IS IT! Panel 21: Narrator smiling in a sincere way. Dialogue: Getting used to it was hard. The first few months, my flow was heavier and my cramps worse. Ibuprofen and I were best friends. Even so, I would sometimes have a cramp that knocked me on my ass. Panel 22: Close up on narrator’s face, smiling, but with one eyebrow leveled. Dialogue: And people always ask, is the pain worth it? Well, every body is different, and I have some friends who felt too terrible to keep their new friend. In the end, only you can decide how it feels to you. Panel 23: Narrator smiling and sitting on the edge of the exam table, wearing the robe and socks. Dialogue: In my case, I never felt so much pain from the cramps that I needed it to end. And… Panel 24: Extreme close up on narrator’s face, looking thrilled and holding up ten fingers. Dialogue: YOU GUYS IT IS TEN YEARS OF WORRY-FREE BIRTH CONTROL! SERIOUSLY! Panel 25: Narrator looking dizzy but happy. Dialogue: Okay sorry guys. Whew. But yeah, I love my I. U. D. I love that it’s foolproof. And SUPER effective.  Panel 26: Narrator linking arms with a life-size smiling anthropomorphic I. U. D. Both are waving goodbye. Dialogue: For more I. U. D info, I recommend Planned Parenthood dot org. Best of luck on your birth control decision! May it always be your choice!

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