Ted Bundy Wouldn’t Have Worked On Me!

I’m a total murderino. However, the Ted Bundy episode led me to a startling conclusion……

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image description below

[image: hastily drawn black and white comic with no panel borders.
panel 1: large black block letters surrounded by tiny crowbars and handcuffs. “Ted Bundy wouldn’t have worked on me!”
panel 2: artist hunched in front of computer, working. headphones are in and attached to an iPad, which is playing the words “fuck polite!” artist is staring wide eyed at the screen. caption: “I’ve been listening to a LOT of My Favorite Murder lately… and this week, they talked about Ted Bundy.”
panel 3: artist’s face, looking astonished. thinking: “ooh, the handsome manipulator!” audio from iPad: “he was SO charming!” caption: “I’d always heard about this guy as being SO gorgeous and SO charismatic, and that’s how he lured his many victims.”
panel 4: close up on google search for TED BUN. thought bubble: “this I gotta see!” caption: “so as I listened, I googled…”
panel 5: artist’s face, looking surprised and angry. saying: “Wait WHAT? seriously?!” caption: “but to my surprise,”
panel 6: big letters: “He is NOT HOT AT ALL!!!”
panel 7: drawing of Ted Bundy. he has tiny eyes, weird hair, and a small pointy nose. wearing a turtleneck with blazer. caption: “he looks kind of like Bob Saget (sorry, Bob Saget) but with somehow WORSE hair. (sorry)”
panel 8: artist looking at Ted Bundy on computer, looking annoyed. thought bubble: “THIS guy?! THIS fuckin’ guy??” audio from iPad: “He must’ve had great, like, eyes or something.” caption: “I couldn’t believe it! what is wrong with everyone? THIS is your handsome charming serial killer?”
panel 9: artist and boyfriend sitting on couch. between them are a sleeping chihuahua and a cat with a cone of shame. artist is looking annoyed. caption: “(re-listening later, with Dakin)” artist saying: “Yeah I totally don’t get it! Maybe we should watch a video to see if he was charming?”
panel 10: caption: “so we did…” close up on iPad screen with Ted Bundy’s face, looking sincere. he is saying “blah blah remorse, I’ve been changed by God etc.” arrow pointing to iPad with a caption “Totally NORMAL dude”
panel 11: closeup on artist and boyfriend looking at iPad. boyfriend looks confused. artist looks angry. artist dialogue: “I don’t believe a word this motherfucker is saying!! what the FUCK!?!”
panel 12: caption: “Basically, it is kind of a disappointment to learn, after all these years, that Ted Bundy was just a normal-looking-and-sounding dude who TOTALLY wouldn’t have worked on me!!!”

signed: Amy Martin 2017

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