Ted Bundy Wouldn’t Have Worked On Me!

I’m a total murderino. However, the Ted Bundy episode led me to a startling conclusion……

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[image: hastily drawn black and white comic with no panel borders.
panel 1: large black block letters surrounded by tiny crowbars and handcuffs. “Ted Bundy wouldn’t have worked on me!”
panel 2: artist hunched in front of computer, working. headphones are in and attached to an iPad, which is playing the words “fuck polite!” artist is staring wide eyed at the screen. caption: “I’ve been listening to a LOT of My Favorite Murder lately… and this week, they talked about Ted Bundy.”
panel 3: artist’s face, looking astonished. thinking: “ooh, the handsome manipulator!” audio from iPad: “he was SO charming!” caption: “I’d always heard about this guy as being SO gorgeous and SO charismatic, and that’s how he lured his many victims.”
panel 4: close up on google search for TED BUN. thought bubble: “this I gotta see!” caption: “so as I listened, I googled…”
panel 5: artist’s face, looking surprised and angry. saying: “Wait WHAT? seriously?!” caption: “but to my surprise,”
panel 6: big letters: “He is NOT HOT AT ALL!!!”
panel 7: drawing of Ted Bundy. he has tiny eyes, weird hair, and a small pointy nose. wearing a turtleneck with blazer. caption: “he looks kind of like Bob Saget (sorry, Bob Saget) but with somehow WORSE hair. (sorry)”
panel 8: artist looking at Ted Bundy on computer, looking annoyed. thought bubble: “THIS guy?! THIS fuckin’ guy??” audio from iPad: “He must’ve had great, like, eyes or something.” caption: “I couldn’t believe it! what is wrong with everyone? THIS is your handsome charming serial killer?”
panel 9: artist and boyfriend sitting on couch. between them are a sleeping chihuahua and a cat with a cone of shame. artist is looking annoyed. caption: “(re-listening later, with Dakin)” artist saying: “Yeah I totally don’t get it! Maybe we should watch a video to see if he was charming?”
panel 10: caption: “so we did…” close up on iPad screen with Ted Bundy’s face, looking sincere. he is saying “blah blah remorse, I’ve been changed by God etc.” arrow pointing to iPad with a caption “Totally NORMAL dude”
panel 11: closeup on artist and boyfriend looking at iPad. boyfriend looks confused. artist looks angry. artist dialogue: “I don’t believe a word this motherfucker is saying!! what the FUCK!?!”
panel 12: caption: “Basically, it is kind of a disappointment to learn, after all these years, that Ted Bundy was just a normal-looking-and-sounding dude who TOTALLY wouldn’t have worked on me!!!”

signed: Amy Martin 2017

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So You Wanna Get An IUD!

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image description: this is a comic drawn in black and white with some gray tones. Narrator has long black hair with short bangs, wearing a striped shirt and jeans. Panel 1 shows the title with the narrator leaning into the side, holding a fistful of I. U. Ds and smiling. Title: Do you want to get an I. U. D? Dialogue: if so, great! Let’s talk about it. Panel 2 shows the narrator smiling and speaking. Dialogue: I. U. Ds are safe and extremely effective. I have a copper (Paragard) I. U. D, and I will talk about it to anyone ever. Caption, in medallions: Not a doctor. Just has a ‘T’ in her twat. Panel 3 shows shows the narrator, with short hair and glasses, cowering in shame in front of a large intimidating doctor. Arrow points to narrator saying “me at 24.” Caption: When I got my first, a doctor tried to tell me I couldn’t get one because I wasn’t married and had never been pregnant. BULLSHIT! Panel 4: narrator speaking, smiling wryly, holding up an I. U. D. Dialogue: You have to be careful about avoiding STIs, which hopefully you do anyway as part of self-care. (But no judgement.) I. U. D strings can provide a way to enter the uterus, which can be dangerous. (And being married isn’t S. T. I protection, right, medical community? You know this?) Panel 5: an angry uterus floats in this panel; the ovaries are eyes with angry eyebrows. The uterus is shouting. Dialogue: Oh HELL no!! Caption: Every body is different, and some bodies may have a hard time getting used to an I. U. D. Your uterus is a strong muscle, and may hate having a foreign body inside. Panel 6: narrator, smiling and talking. Dialogue: But for plenty of people, it’s no big deal. I’m on my second Paragard and have had a very good twelve years with ’em. Let me tell you about my own experience. Y. M. M. V, of course. Panel 7: Narrator is smiling and waving in a gynecologist’s office, in front of an exam table with stirrups. She is wearing a dotted hospital robe and socks. Dialogue: We start in the O. B. G. Y. N’s office in these lovely paper robes. I like to leave my socks on. Panel 8: Narrator is lying on the exam table, smiling and speaking, fully covered by the robe. A doctor smiles in front of her in a friendly way, holding up two gloved fingers. Dialogue: Your doctor will give you what feels like a routine pelvic exam to make sure your uterus can hold an I. U. D. Panel 9: same setting. Narrator is smiling and talking, with a sassy wink. Doctor is handing her a card. Dialogue: You’ll probably have to make another appointment for insertion. When I got my first (2003 in Illinois), I had to go pick it up at the pharmacy and bring it in with me! I took it out to the bar the night before! Panel 10: Narrator stands talking and holding a pill bottle. A person with a beard stands behind her, holding a bottle of water, placing the other hand on the narrator’s back; behind that person is another with short hair, waving. Dialogue: On insertion day, I found it helpful to have someone there to hold my hand. Second time, my boyfriend came; first, my B. F. F. Panel 11: Narrator smiling and talking, holding up an ipad and a hot water bottle. Hearts float around the hot water bottle, along with the words “old school hot water bottle.” Dialogue: If it’s an option for you, plan to rest with a heating pad / hot water bottle for the rest of the day. I didn’t go back to work that day. Netflix F. T. W. Panel 12: Narrator is smiling and looking proud. Dialogue: INSERTION TIME! So, I’m not going to draw my lady bits. I’m sure it would be useful, but no. Instead, follow my facial expressions for an idea of the pain at each step. Starburst caption: FUN! Panel 13 Narrator is posing seductively in a paper hospital gown. Words beside her say “PAPER GOWN.” Dialogue: You vixen you. Panel 14: Close up on narrator from the waist up, lying on the exam table. She is speaking with a slightly worried look, but smiling. Boyfriend sits beside her, smiling and holding her hand. Dialogue: When you’re ready, the doctor will put a clamp on your cervix. It’s uncomfortable, but not awful. Like deep pressure on your cervix, which is sensitive. Panel 15: Same view, but now narrator’s eyes are wide open and crooked and her mouth is pursed. Boyfriend looks worried. Dialogue: The doctor will then “sound” your uterus, which means inserting an instrument to check how your I. U. D should be placed. For me, this was the most painful part. It feels kind of sharp and strong-cramp-y, But it only lasts a few seconds… deep slow breaths! Panel 16: Same view; narrator’s face is scrunched up and she is frowning, boyfriend still looks worried. Dialogue: The doctor will then insert your I. U. D. This, too, is just a couple seconds, and feels crampy. Keep breathing… Panel 17: Same view, but narrator’s face is relaxed and has a huge smile. Boyfriend is smiling too. Dialogue: And the next thing you know, the doctor unclamps your cerv, and you’re done! AAAH! Panel 18: Narrator getting up from the exam table, speaking with a wobbly smile. Dialogue: The cramps may be very intense for the rest of the day. They feel like period cramps, but REALLY strong ones. Panel 19: Narrator lying on a couch covered with a blanket. Dialogue: I had the strongest pain the day after insertion. Your uterus is basically saying W. T. F! Keep taking O. T. C. pain reliever and heating as you’re able. Panel 20: Big black letters surrounded by I. U. Ds. Caption: THAT IS IT! Panel 21: Narrator smiling in a sincere way. Dialogue: Getting used to it was hard. The first few months, my flow was heavier and my cramps worse. Ibuprofen and I were best friends. Even so, I would sometimes have a cramp that knocked me on my ass. Panel 22: Close up on narrator’s face, smiling, but with one eyebrow leveled. Dialogue: And people always ask, is the pain worth it? Well, every body is different, and I have some friends who felt too terrible to keep their new friend. In the end, only you can decide how it feels to you. Panel 23: Narrator smiling and sitting on the edge of the exam table, wearing the robe and socks. Dialogue: In my case, I never felt so much pain from the cramps that I needed it to end. And… Panel 24: Extreme close up on narrator’s face, looking thrilled and holding up ten fingers. Dialogue: YOU GUYS IT IS TEN YEARS OF WORRY-FREE BIRTH CONTROL! SERIOUSLY! Panel 25: Narrator looking dizzy but happy. Dialogue: Okay sorry guys. Whew. But yeah, I love my I. U. D. I love that it’s foolproof. And SUPER effective.  Panel 26: Narrator linking arms with a life-size smiling anthropomorphic I. U. D. Both are waving goodbye. Dialogue: For more I. U. D info, I recommend Planned Parenthood dot org. Best of luck on your birth control decision! May it always be your choice!

Trump Triggers

I wrote this comic because I’ve been struggling with PTSD triggers around everything Trump-related for the last week or so. I know there are others feeling the same thing–lots of us. If you’re having anxiety symptoms around this election, or finding yourself triggered by images and words that remind you of sexual assault, don’t forget your self care but also, reach out to the people around you. This is one of my reaches.

PS #voteforhillary

Illustration Tourist part 4: Mexico

In December, I went to Mexico for the Guadalajara International Book Fair, the Feria Internacional por los Libros, or FIL. It was my first visit to Mexico and I did it largely solo–more solo than I planned, because my phone didn’t work–except for occasional accompaniment by my randomly assigned hotel roommate, Gladis, who turned out to be awesome. Yes, I work in a field where you have to share a room to get your hotel paid for. Gladis got to witness my Marx-Brothers-esque 5-minute-long arrive-from-airport-and-change-into-formalwear-with-makeup montage. She was nice about it.

For the record, I brushed with tap water once and ate my share of local produce, and yes I did get sick, but only slightly and Immodium handled it.

FIL has a big gala dinner for librarians the night before it opens to professionals. It’s always at this restaurant called Santo Coyote.

Papel picado in the restaurant where I ate lunch the first day.

I had very little trouble finding vegetarian food and it was all delicious. 

When I get frazzled, I lose my Spanish along with other major cognitive functions. 

Poor kid, she was real cute.

That day was kind of crazy.

The coolest place I went in Guadalajara was the Templo Expiatório (not Expositório as I had written here). A guy at the hotel recommended it to me; I asked my cab driver to take me past it on the way to the Cathedral, but when we saw it, I told him to let me out there. I HAD to go inside. The interior was incredible:

I don’t think the pigeon shit came through on the scanner. Oh well.

Forget what this place was–some plaza in Tlaquepaque. Tlaquepaque was the place everyone told us we had to go, and it was kind of a tourist trap, but pretty.

Glad I’m not the only one who wants to adopt every stray they pass.

 

FIN!

Oh hi, Wayback machine: Libraries, Privacy, and You

I owe a big debt of gratitude to Jenna Freedman at the Barnard Zine Library. She received some of my old comics as part of a donation and, in cataloging them, emailed me to ask what year one was made. Turns out she had a copy of “Libraries, Privacy, and You,” which I made in 2010 and not only neglected to keep a print copy, but can’t figure out where (or if) I saved the digital files. It was basically gone to me. Jenna kindly agreed to scan the book and send it to me. I’m so grateful to get back this little piece of my own art history.

The “Dylan” I signed this copy to was Dylan Williams, who ran the wonderful Sparkplug Comics until he passed away in 2011. Barnard received a donation of comics and zines that belonged to Dylan from his wife, and this book was among them. I didn’t know Dylan–only spoke to him a handful of times–but I know there are folks out there who did who may appreciate this little postscript.

Okay. This is a funny comic. So try to get in a laughing mood now. Okay? Laugh!