I realize there is no trap in this. Fine. In real life, I bought a humane trap, and we’ll see if lil’ guy avoids the glue one until Monday.
[image: black and white comic, no panel borders.
panel one: large black letters across top, saying “Everything’s coming up Mam! this week!”
panel two: artist and boyfriend are sitting on the floor with a small child, playing with blocks. behind them are two more children. dialogue: artist: “Que alto tu torre!” child: “si, es para los Ninja Turtles!” caption: Dakin and I help at a preschool where all the kids speak Mam first, some Spanish and English second (and third I guess).
panel two: artist is bending over in front of two little girls seated at a table. all are holding up two fingers. artist is looking hopeful and saying “Cuantos quieres? …Jun? Kabak?” a caption with arrows pointing to both girls says “silence from both.” caption: “I’m trying to get them to teach me some words in Mam, and it’s NOT going well!” caption 2: “they will neither confirm nor deny that I am actually saving words.”
panel 3: artist sitting on floor with two kids, who are laughing and pointing to an owl in her hand. she is smiling and saying “Carlitos, como se dice “buho” en Mam?” caption: “…nor will they acknowledge that Mam is, in fact, a language.”
panel 4: little boy looks confused, artist looks like she’s trying to be helpful. dialogue: boy: “Mam??” artist: “oh, um, what do you call this animal in your home?”
panel 5: closeup on artist and boy’s faces. little boy is frowning, looking irritated. artist has a plus sign eye and looks bested. dialogue: boy: “we don’t have one of those in my home.” artist: “touche.”
panel 6: scene change. artist looking delighted. caption: “in better news, I got an email from a linguistics professor who found my Mam tumblr from 2015, and emailed me looking for a referral to a Mam speaker to work as a consultant!
panel 7: artist, in different clothes, looking at phone, looking pleased. thinking “yay.” dialogue: phone reads “we have an interview.” caption: “and I got him connected to my coworker who’s a native speaker.”
panel 8: in a cloud, artist does “shh” with her lips and one finger. caption: (there’s another maybe good thing but it’s a secret! shh!”)
I’m a total murderino. However, the Ted Bundy episode led me to a startling conclusion……
[image: hastily drawn black and white comic with no panel borders.
panel 1: large black block letters surrounded by tiny crowbars and handcuffs. “Ted Bundy wouldn’t have worked on me!”
panel 2: artist hunched in front of computer, working. headphones are in and attached to an iPad, which is playing the words “fuck polite!” artist is staring wide eyed at the screen. caption: “I’ve been listening to a LOT of My Favorite Murder lately… and this week, they talked about Ted Bundy.”
panel 3: artist’s face, looking astonished. thinking: “ooh, the handsome manipulator!” audio from iPad: “he was SO charming!” caption: “I’d always heard about this guy as being SO gorgeous and SO charismatic, and that’s how he lured his many victims.”
panel 4: close up on google search for TED BUN. thought bubble: “this I gotta see!” caption: “so as I listened, I googled…”
panel 5: artist’s face, looking surprised and angry. saying: “Wait WHAT? seriously?!” caption: “but to my surprise,”
panel 6: big letters: “He is NOT HOT AT ALL!!!”
panel 7: drawing of Ted Bundy. he has tiny eyes, weird hair, and a small pointy nose. wearing a turtleneck with blazer. caption: “he looks kind of like Bob Saget (sorry, Bob Saget) but with somehow WORSE hair. (sorry)”
panel 8: artist looking at Ted Bundy on computer, looking annoyed. thought bubble: “THIS guy?! THIS fuckin’ guy??” audio from iPad: “He must’ve had great, like, eyes or something.” caption: “I couldn’t believe it! what is wrong with everyone? THIS is your handsome charming serial killer?”
panel 9: artist and boyfriend sitting on couch. between them are a sleeping chihuahua and a cat with a cone of shame. artist is looking annoyed. caption: “(re-listening later, with Dakin)” artist saying: “Yeah I totally don’t get it! Maybe we should watch a video to see if he was charming?”
panel 10: caption: “so we did…” close up on iPad screen with Ted Bundy’s face, looking sincere. he is saying “blah blah remorse, I’ve been changed by God etc.” arrow pointing to iPad with a caption “Totally NORMAL dude”
panel 11: closeup on artist and boyfriend looking at iPad. boyfriend looks confused. artist looks angry. artist dialogue: “I don’t believe a word this motherfucker is saying!! what the FUCK!?!”
panel 12: caption: “Basically, it is kind of a disappointment to learn, after all these years, that Ted Bundy was just a normal-looking-and-sounding dude who TOTALLY wouldn’t have worked on me!!!”
signed: Amy Martin 2017
I wrote this comic because I’ve been struggling with PTSD triggers around everything Trump-related for the last week or so. I know there are others feeling the same thing–lots of us. If you’re having anxiety symptoms around this election, or finding yourself triggered by images and words that remind you of sexual assault, don’t forget your self care but also, reach out to the people around you. This is one of my reaches.